Bumpy Road

WARNING:  Prepare yourself for a bumpy ride!!  You may be wondering 1.) why must she always start with a caution or warning clause--because I like to prepare my reader! 2.) What the heck does  prepare yourself for a bumpy ride have to do with the poverty line--wait and you will see. 

As Tim so nicely posted (like I said he loves to blog and he writes so much better than I do!) we are a little over a month living at the poverty level. First I must say that it's been a little rough changing some of our habits -one of our habits that I miss a lot it going out for all you can eat sushi. I know it sounds stupid and a little selfish--but I miss sushi--it's too expensive under our current budget and therefore it's been cut out of the budget all together.  We would usually go out for sushi at least once a month and it's hard when Tim ask "what do you want for dinner?" on a Friday not to say sushi! Wow that was a lot of rambling about sushi--I apologize--my point is this it's been an adjustment to change some of our habits because we now realize that if we did go out where in the budget would we pull it from.  So sushi will have to wait until later!

I have realized that I am a person that stresses over money--I always have! One of the reasons is because as a child I watched my parents struggle from paycheck to paycheck and they did the best they could to get by. When we made the decision to live at the poverty line I think the stress is getting worse because all I think about is how much money do we still have left in the budget.......if I buy a 2 liter is that going to jacked up the grocery budget...do I go to the doctor's because that is a $20 co-pay and if he prescribes a non generic that's going to cost some money....and that was NOT in the budget! So the stress just continues to grow and grow until I have a mini break down and that's never pretty. 

So yes I had my first mini break down the other day--I knew it was bound to happen!! Tim told me that after we pay the car payment we would only have $90 left in the budget--this must include gas for the jeep and didn't include groceries! Well to those who know me I  heard $90 and that includes gas and I was like well really we don't have that much then because we have class in no man's land for church this month--so there is $20  then we'll probably have to go ahead and top it off again--so really we have $50. Then my mind was like WTF are we going to do with $50--wow so much to do in Vegas for $50! I automatically went back to thinking great I'm going to be a hermit this month!  My husband calmed me down and reminded me that it would be OK and I wasn't going to become a hermit because we have been to friend's house and hung out which have cost us $0. 

I learned from my mini break down that I may be a little selfish and stubborn! I struggle with that because I like hanging out with my friends.....I like going out.....but then I just want to slap myself for having those thoughts because there are people in this world who are struggling worse than I am and I need to place myself in that situation when I feel this way. I need to remember the reason why we are doing this....it's not to just to save money for a down payment on a house....it's to experience how people have to make tough decisions like this daily who don't have a choice...or worse who don't know if they will get a paycheck the next day. It's to educate people that there are hard working people in this country that are still living on poverty because they are giving a fair wage or worse yet they are cut hours so their employer doesn't have to give them health insurance.  It's to make a change--it's to hopefully inspire more people to realize that we need to fight for those living in poverty and not just turn our heads and act like it doesn't exist  So, yes I realize that I have been a little selfish--but that's OK to some degree as long as I learned from it and realize that life goes on and if I have to tell some friends no I can't go out for sushi sorry--that I'll be OK!! 

I guess I should have warned you all that this was going to be one of those rambling post that may drive y'all crazy!! Well I kinda warned you with the whole hold on it's going to be a bumpy road bit.... 

Peace be with you all!

~Alicia~